(frame from 1984's Stranger Than Paradise, song here)
When I started writing this post, I was in my apartment, looking out over the wreckage of yet another snow day (six inches this time, which might as well be an apocalyptic narrative in the South). There are certain things that will never get old to me: the idea of getting out of work and/or school, the ability to do what I want when I want on these days, the look of the world around me the day when the snow melts and it's sunny again, et cetera.
My apartment has this really great view of the Tennessee River. It's not that the river is exactly the greatest thing to offer in Tennessee (especially considering the contamination levels are such that I am quite terrified of the thought of touching the water), but on days like today and every other day when I need inspiration/a body of water to ogle over because that's what's in these days, it's a nice thing to have.
A quick transition into a thought I can't get out of my head from the last few months, which does relate to this: I'm terrified of living in a suburb for the rest of my life. I wouldn't have anything like the view I have right now, white people aren't okay, and you can't recreate the feeling of driving through a city on Williamsburg Drive in suburban America. Also, no one raps about the suburbs, which should effectively win anyone over to my side. (Just kidding, persuasiveness is not a Will characteristic at all, ever.)
I think I fear the suburbs because I don't like the idea of doing the same thing for the rest of my life. I have lots of irrational fears and an inability to overcome very many of them. I also hate the thought of living in a place that encourages being complacent and/or being white. It's not who I am and it's not who I want to be. (Apologies if you lived in a suburb and/or like suburbs and/or Arcade Fire's The Suburbs, but at least the last one has a great defense!)
A positive moment of this year (of school, not just 2014) is that I'm taking steps to overcome some of these more rational fears. I'm no longer terrified of introducing myself to people. (There's a really good story about this, but it's for another time.) I'm not afraid to be myself around others for the first time in 20+ years. Most importantly, this year has helped me see how much I need to show the love of Christ to the people around me. I've learned to trust Jesus more with my future, which has enabled me to be a little less anxious. (Only a little. It's still a horrifying prospect, don't worry.)
I did finally decide what I'll be doing this summer (because everyone was obviously on the edge of their seats for the last two weeks), which is working at a sports warehouse near UT's campus. As much as I love working with children, I think it would be in my best interest to avoid getting burnt out on what I want to do in the future. I haven't prayed on this as much as I would like to, so maybe I'll start here, because I feel like God can use me in a positive way at an environment I have no experience in. Maybe it'll be a summer of seeing how big my range is. (Really long tangent and footnote, but I work best with basketball metaphors, so: I think of myself right now as Kyle Korver. I can do one thing and I'm pretty sure I do that one thing really well, but it would be fun to challenge myself to see if I can do other things well, too. With enough practice, perhaps I could be the Paul George of the workplace, or at least Nick Collison.)
As a reward for reading a 660-word wall of text, here are lots of bullet points and yet another playlist and other semi-not important things.
My apartment has this really great view of the Tennessee River. It's not that the river is exactly the greatest thing to offer in Tennessee (especially considering the contamination levels are such that I am quite terrified of the thought of touching the water), but on days like today and every other day when I need inspiration/a body of water to ogle over because that's what's in these days, it's a nice thing to have.
A quick transition into a thought I can't get out of my head from the last few months, which does relate to this: I'm terrified of living in a suburb for the rest of my life. I wouldn't have anything like the view I have right now, white people aren't okay, and you can't recreate the feeling of driving through a city on Williamsburg Drive in suburban America. Also, no one raps about the suburbs, which should effectively win anyone over to my side. (Just kidding, persuasiveness is not a Will characteristic at all, ever.)
I think I fear the suburbs because I don't like the idea of doing the same thing for the rest of my life. I have lots of irrational fears and an inability to overcome very many of them. I also hate the thought of living in a place that encourages being complacent and/or being white. It's not who I am and it's not who I want to be. (Apologies if you lived in a suburb and/or like suburbs and/or Arcade Fire's The Suburbs, but at least the last one has a great defense!)
A positive moment of this year (of school, not just 2014) is that I'm taking steps to overcome some of these more rational fears. I'm no longer terrified of introducing myself to people. (There's a really good story about this, but it's for another time.) I'm not afraid to be myself around others for the first time in 20+ years. Most importantly, this year has helped me see how much I need to show the love of Christ to the people around me. I've learned to trust Jesus more with my future, which has enabled me to be a little less anxious. (Only a little. It's still a horrifying prospect, don't worry.)
I did finally decide what I'll be doing this summer (because everyone was obviously on the edge of their seats for the last two weeks), which is working at a sports warehouse near UT's campus. As much as I love working with children, I think it would be in my best interest to avoid getting burnt out on what I want to do in the future. I haven't prayed on this as much as I would like to, so maybe I'll start here, because I feel like God can use me in a positive way at an environment I have no experience in. Maybe it'll be a summer of seeing how big my range is. (Really long tangent and footnote, but I work best with basketball metaphors, so: I think of myself right now as Kyle Korver. I can do one thing and I'm pretty sure I do that one thing really well, but it would be fun to challenge myself to see if I can do other things well, too. With enough practice, perhaps I could be the Paul George of the workplace, or at least Nick Collison.)
As a reward for reading a 660-word wall of text, here are lots of bullet points and yet another playlist and other semi-not important things.
- HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT coming later today re: the rap project JL and I have been working on for months.
- Free TV show recommendation of the first quarter: Broad City, which has replaced Workaholics as your most reliable, comedic entertainment during the week and is the best show of 2014 not named True Detective. Hannibal Buress is in each episode for one or two scenes and owns it each time. Also, the two main leads (Abbi Jacobson/Ilana Glazer) are the most frequently hilarious female main characters on TV not named Hannah Horvath.
- For whatever reason, I've been asked about the CRU playlists this semester more than every other semester combined. Because of this, here's a link to every song that's ever been played at CRU, because why not.
- Another playlist link, because I'm into that sort of thing: I like to make playlists for each month of the year, if possible. It's a mix of things that I'm listening to at that time/songs that fit the mood of the month they're applied to. Here's February.
- I saw The LEGO Movie last Friday. It was absolutely wonderful and it's the best children's film I've seen since Up, so have fun at the theater if you haven't seen this yet.
- Win the Game.
- This is a shorter blog than usual, because I've been overloading people with words lately. Sorry about that.
That's just something I have to get used to,
Will
Will--Another fine rendering of yourself, your hopes and fears and a host of other things. I have only a few comments to hopefully be taken as love from me. Point #1--You seem to be expressing an apology for being white. There is no shame of being white, brown, yellow or black. The only shame of any color is how you may conduct yourself. Point 2--Your fear of living in the suburbs can be applied anywhere from the penthouse to the outhouse, the farm to the inner city. The only fear here is as FDR said 'fear itself'. Point 3--The fear of meeting new people and the fear of showing your real person is something most all of us feel. As young children most aren't consumed with this fear but it grows as we grow into teenage years and beyond. Normally this fear lessens the more people you meet and feel good about. Point 4--Working in a sports environment can't be bad for you. You have the most general sports knowledge of anyone I have ever known.
ReplyDeleteAs you know these are only my opinion and should not be taken as 'truth'.
As always you have my utmost love and pride.