A Life of Possibilities

(1979's Manhattan; the Dismemberment Plan)

One of the hardest realizations of growing older - that is, hitting your senior year in college and entering your first mid-mid-life crisis - is that you aren't special at very many things. I came to terms with this a while ago, but the realization of being exceptionally good at a very slight few things, none of which are focusing on any one activity ever, is kind of disappointing in some way.

The categories/things that I consider myself to have legitimately exceptional abilities and potential in are not that important to my future (for instance, my ability to listen to music, analyze it for deeper meaning, and form an opinion rapidly and fluently is nice to have, but can I use that in a classroom?), but they do open doors in some fashion. Regardless, being in a season of change and realizing that you aren't the smartest one in the room is a challenge.

My parents have done an amazing job over the last few months of preparing me for the idea of post-college, a world where it becomes increasingly likely day by day that I won't immediately have a job in the field that I want a job in. Working in an office isn't the worst thing ever, either; there are plenty of opportunities for me to succeed in that environment. Life is so much more than my career, however; life represents a wild, colorful field full of possibilities, open doors, and an immeasurable amount of daily opportunities. To explore these opportunities, I have to first realize the innate self-worth deep inside me.

On a personal level, the amount of daily struggles I face in finding self-importance is high, and it fluctuates along with my mood. It took 20+ years to understand that bipolar disorder is a very real thing and that I'm affected with it and by it. If nothing else, I finally have an answer for why my moods can change quickly and why depression and anxiety have been such a large part of my life for so long.

The biggest challenge and struggle in finding self-importance is realizing your own self-importance, in that you, as a person, were created to make an impact in others' lives. It's hard to realize this from time to time (especially in high school, where the amount of real, legitimate friends I had by the end of my junior year was in single digits), but we are here for a reason. Far too often, I take this idea for granted, because there are days when I feel like the smallest cog in the grand machine. How could I possibly affect lives on a large scale? Is what I'm doing important? Am I important?

The answer to all of these is quite simple, even if I have trouble believing it some days: of course I'm important. Of course what I'm doing is important. Potentially, whether through teaching or a different type of work, I can affect lives on a greater scale than in a small room of smaller people. Does it take me longer to realize this than it probably does for you? Probably. However, I have been given the opportunity to seek a life of possibilities; it is my choice to seek out mine and your choice to find yours. 

• I have now reached the "college angst" portion of my life, where some of my best friends are moving away and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Chances are that you, too, will go through this at some point if you are my age or younger. Along with praying on it, which is my recommended action for those who see prayer as important as I do, two albums that I love madly and deeply that speak eloquently on this subject are Emergency & I by the Dismemberment Plan, along with the Meadowlands by the Wrens. Both of these albums are on Spotify.
• In Appreciation Of goes live this week with a few different posts: an introduction, an essential albums list, and everything I found wrong with The Amazing Spider-Man 2. I plan on posting there more frequently than I will on here, simply because writing is an effective outlet of my free time and I'd love to do it as much as possible if you're willing to read.
• Go follow @YJTmusic on Twitter. JL and I will be posting more stuff this week. Expect more releases this summer, because we'll both have a fair amount of free time, for the most part.
• I plan on listening to at least 400 albums for the first time this summer. I'm at 20 now. This will go until the end of August. Keep up with my progress here on RateYourMusic, where I'll be rating each one.
• A shortlist of projects for the summer: 400 albums (21/400 done), 100 movies (5/100), 50 seasons of TV (2/50), 25 books (1/25). Maybe we'll just extend this to the rest of the year.

My mind is filled with radio cures,

Will